The sounds of shock and awful rumbled around the room. It was inescapable. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. It was torturous. You could feel yourself passing into the afterlife. You could smell the heat of your ear drums being incinerated. There was but one resort. Hit the stop button.

There was but no other way around it. Let's rewind 50 mintues and add some context...

In the wake of the Smashing Pumpkins' implosion, Melissa Auf Der Maur kept herself busy with a few projects, including Black Sabbath tribute band Hand of Doom, as well as all-star side project, the Virgins, with former Pumpkins bandmate, James Iha (which is rumored to also include Ryan Adams and Evan Dando, among others).

Produced by Chris Goss, the album features appearances by a variety of renowned guests, including Tomahawk's John Stainer, James Iha, Hole's Eric Erlandson, Rocket From The Crypt's Atom Willard, and Kyuss trio Brant Bjork, Nick Oliveri and Josh Homme.

"This wasn't about just working with someone because I loved their musicianship. This was about musicians in my life in one form or another for over a decade, people who knew and were sensitive to the fact that I had spent time in someone else's musical world and wanted to build my own," she said recently.

"I wrote the majority of the songs, but I consciously made room for two other songwriters: Josh Homme and Steve Durand. Josh is one of my dream musicians and a complete inspiration. Steve is my best friend and from my first band (Tinker). These guys represented my roots and my dreams."

Paying more attention to the collaborators than Melissa's exemplory resumé then, one would expect some strokes or better still, nothing short of genius. Early indications from the Victorian goth artwork was a neanderthal Pumpkins rehash. Lightning Is My Girl begins things with the washing machine buzz of Goss' 1999 Welcome To The Western Lodge with Masters of Reality. New single Followed The Waves guzzes like Ministry at a birthday party, the industrial drone hairlifting but ultimately just sober shoegazing swill.

Much of the album lies in industrial metal territory. Head Unbound is the most Pumpkins (circa Machina), I'll Be Anything You Want is essentially Masters of Reality with Auf der Maur guesting. Goth ballad Overpower Thee is vocally juvenile and poorly off-key, while I Need, I Want, I Will was virtually burned from the Desert Sessions so we'll leave it at that.

The identity of Auf Der Maur on an album which HAD so much potential is indeed a noir mystery. Auf der Maur admitted she basically had Kyuss as her backing band. It rarely shows - often secreted beneath Goss' surprisingly glossy production lie breakneck desert riffs and sand dusted drums.

Running a track by track lyrical analysis is pretty pointless. You could read The Fellowship of The Ring in one sitting and Melissa would be there at the end of it, wailing like an elf damsel lost in her star-studded fellowship.

In the grand scheme of things Auf der Maur is a "you either like it, or you don't" record. Aside from one or two songs it makes for a painful listen. One COULD possibly warm to it. But you'd have to be strapped in a chair at Guantanemo Bay having you're fingernails ripped out and toes tickled first.

And you can bet that despite the cracker that Courtney Love finally pulled out two weeks ago, Melissa will be the one sassying down red carpets with her integrity intact. Funny thing, eh? Heck what's next? Drummers from seminal 90s bands going solo?!

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