Everyone sing along with me now: Hooray For Hollywood!
Angelina Jolie plays Lara Croft, a rich British woman with big breastswho also just happens to go hunting around in temples and caves all over theworld in search of treasures and archeological antiquities. The quest forthis film is some triangle that will allow the bearer of the piece to travelback and forth in time. Lara wants to use it to visit her father, LordCroft (Jon Voight), who mysteriously departed this world in 1985.
Of course,there is a nemesis to deal with and he comes in the form of Manfred Powell(Iain Glen), who looks more like a European hairdresser than he does anarcheologist (and it is the latter of these that we are meant to believe he is).He’s working for some organization called Illuminati, whoof course want this mysterious piece for their own devious use.The device only works during some sort of galactic lining up of the planets,so the ticking clock theory is in effect for the story.
I would really love to meet the people who keep giving director SimonWest steady work. He edits his scenes even more than Michael Bay does and he shoots his action scenes so close up that it isalmost impossible to make out what is going on. There is plenty of action tobe had, but what’s the point of it if the audience can’t see it?
As far as the cast goes, it’s simple: no characters to work with equals noperformances to speak of. The one-liners that are given to Jolie, NoahTaylor as Lara’s sidekick Bryce and Chris Barrie as her butler are horrendous.Jolie herself looks the part, but she shows less life as Lara Croft thanher videogame doppelganger does.
Jon Voight has only a few scenes, andI am sure he is thanking God right now for that lack of screen time.Ordinarily, when a film is as badly executed as this, you can usually say that the visualeffects at least are really cool. Not here. For a one hundred million dollarfilm, the budgets look like they cost about $3.00 (they must have spent therest of the money on Jolie’s padded bras).
There will be people, namely those whofantasize about the videogame Lara Croft – she’s only zeroes and ones. She’sNOT REAL! – that will defend the film saying, “What did you expect? The filmis based on a videogame! You don’t know how to have fun!” To them, I saythis: Get a life. Put down your joystick, walk outside your parents’ houseand instead of walking to your local brainwashing plant (multiplex), go outand meet a real human being that may interest you.
Get to know them anddiscover a world beyond videogames and movies based upon them.Then, if you still want to see a great action adventure film or two afterexperiencing the outside world, watch The Treasure of the Sierra Madre andRaiders Of The Lost Ark and forget that Tomb Raider ever existed.