Nightmare Before Christmas

You may not have heard of all the bands on the bill (if you claim you have, we don’t believe you or if you have and you’re not lying,at least try and talk to some other people,you don’t have to walk this world alone). But with names like Six Organs of Admittance, My Cat Is An Alien, 16 Bitch Pile Up and Ashtray Navigations, how can you resist exploring new ground?

And as if all this wasn’t good enough already, you don’t even have to stay in a tent. No, at Nightmare Before Christmas, you can stay in an authentic holiday chalet just like you’ve seen on Hi De Hi or that daytime reality show where they made teenage girls dance with 70-year-olds while boys had to layer their hair with Brylcream. Which means that if you really want to, you can draw the curtains, lock the door and turn up your Bernard Gunter CDs to full volume while moaning about how headliners and curators Sonic Youth are more commercial than they used to be. New album Rather Ripped? It’s so accessible it’s almost Girls Aloud! And while you’re there, you can even enjoy the delights of a Thurston Moore-programmed TV. The future is Sonic.

As the music doesn’t start until late in the afternoon, there’s plenty of time for existential musings during the day. You could head down to the beach to recreate those photos of Pete’n'Carlos looking happy on a beach somewhere. Unfortunately, all the tourist info seems to indicate that the Butlins Holiday Camp is the region’s main attraction and you’re there already, but wander beyond the confines of Camp Sonic and you might hit such joys as the West Somerset Railway, some landscaped gardens, and – wait for it – well-known high street shops including WH Smiths and Woolworths, boasts the local tourist info. In other words, stay on site and nurse your hangover with some more local cider. Arthur C Clarke is the region’s most famous son, so you could always invent an elaborate fantasy world where Wolf Eyes are sinister aliens and radio signals from Venus have been trying to brainwash the world into thinking that The Melvins have talent. Only you can resist!

With more than 50 bands playing over the weekend, self-catering facilities in your chalet and Thurston Moore on the TV, there’ll be plenty to do to ensure you don’t get desperate enough to devise your own fun festival games, such as T-shirt A-Z and Indie-pop Top Trumps. It might not be Glastonbury (although it’s at least geographically close) but it does have electricity and hot running water. Even without Sonic Youth and Iggy & The Stooges, that would have to be worth it.