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We know something you don’t know. We’ve got a special little secret that we absolutely, positively cannot share with you. Why? Because if we tell you, you tell your friends… your friends are callin’ us on the horn all the time… and we’ve got to show up at shopping centres for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes our life a hell. Okay? A living hell.
Well, we suppose we could tell you if it goes no further than these four walls. We’d probably have to pinkie swear, though; maybe even that thing where we cut our thumbs and put them together. No, wait – that’s blood brothers. And disgusting.
Okay, here goes, we’ll tell you anyway: this week’s tracks column is the best yet. Not necessarily in terms of writing – you know we have issues with spelling, grammar and articulating our backward opinions, and you promised not to laugh – but the line-up is nothing short of stellar. Oh, hey, here’s Fleet Foxes, CocknBullKid and Example, clutching their nice new songs like proud parents. And who’s this skipping in, hand-in-hand? It’s only Katy Perry, Kanye West and Danger Mouse.
But remember – this is our secret. No posting this on Facebooks. No tweeting it left, right and centre. Whatever you do, do not share what we’ve shown you here: if we get papped in Greggs tonight, we’ll know whose lips have been flapping like wafer-thin ham in a gale. You have been warned.
Fleet Foxes – Grown Ocean
We love Robin Pecknold. We’d very much like to join him on leisurely strolls through the woods, our thumb tickling his palm as we held hands; our sweet, innocent giggles dancing through the trees as we disentangle our beards after snuggling.
It would appear that Robin and the rest of the Foxes love us too: Grown Ocean is a gorgeous cacophony born of the beautiful Pacific Northwest, its restless tempo promising much of the imminent second album. Much as our hands yearn to do otherwise, Fleet Foxes remain untouchable.
Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi – Two Against One
Jack White would make a smashing cowboy, wouldn’t he? The type who would rather shoot you in the face than get off his horse and drink his milk. Perhaps this is why he’s the proverbial gun for hire for Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi’s Ennio Morricone-inspired Rome project.
Two Against One, while lacking in the Spaghetti Western whistling stakes, is pretty darn great; a brooding track that emanates menace like an itchy trigger finger. Every gun makes its own tune. Rome, it would seem, is armed to the teeth.
Katy Perry feat. Kayne West – E.T.
Well, whaddyaknow. A song boasting three enormous tits.
Katy Perry returns from shooting sparks out of her bosom to go intergalactic. And apparently in space no one can hear you plagiarising TATU, because E.T. couldn’t sound more like All The Things She Said without dressing Kayne up in a a schoolgirl outfit and soaking him next to a chain link fence.
The tune is pedestrian, the video is weird, and if this is the level of verse we can now expect from Mr. West (something something barzzz / something something Marzzzz / something something carzzz / I clearly can’t be arszzzed) imma not gonna let him finish. Ever again.
CockNBullKid – Asthma Attack
Or, to paraphrase, London, I love you but you’re making me wheeze uncontrollably and I think I’ve left my inhaler at home.
Dunno, there’s something distinctly British about that title. You can’t really imagine Beyonc naming a song after a respiratory illness. But we will await correcting, should the long awaited If You Liked It You Should Have Put A Drip In It (rhinosinsitis edition) finally see the light of day.
Anyway, there is a song behind all of this breathless high-jinks, and it’s ok, in a pleasant, albeit fairly nondescript R&B fashion.
WU LYF – L Y F
Coyness is not a quality often found in new bands these days. People are far too busy making the kind of pronouncements that make Moses look like he was underplaying the whole thing.
So WU LYFs reluctance to say anything to anyone is novel, if nothing else. It certainly pisses us off, as rather than recounting rumour and innuendo to provide context to reviews, we have to resort to talking about their musical output. Uncaring sods.
So L Y F. Ohhhhh L Y F. Not a Des’ree cover, thankfully, it’s impressively like what you’d imagine Sigur Rs would be if they came from Manchester and had replaced Jnsi with a bear with a sore head. Nice.
Example – Changed The Way You Kiss Me
Kickstarts was massive, a real grower, and now that the summer is just over the horizon again (well, sort of) Example is seeking to repeat the feat with Changed The Way You Kiss Me.
We’re not bowled over, but then we weren’t bowled over last time and look what happened. The rapping purveyor of “grown-up rave” hasn’t yet finished with his day in the sun. In your face, Calvin Harris!
Lizzyspit – Talk You Down
“Harrowing” isn’t a word we reviewers like to throw about too often, but it’s an adjective we have to aim in Talk You Down’s direction; a rather gloomy and aptly-entitled number from new kid on the block, Lizzyspit.
We shan’t say that Lizzy doesnt have a nice voice – and that the minimal production isn’t splendid – but this a curious choice for a debut, and isn’t the sort of track you’d stick on before heading to the pub. Mind, she might just be a force to be reckoned with after a cup of tea and a hug.