Imagine the look of schoolboy delight on my face when I got home in early December to find my first Christmas present, wrapped in festive red and gold paper. The fact that it said The Darkness all over it kind of gave the game away as to who it was from. I carefully unpicked the paper and inside was a white box with The Darkness inscribed on the lid. Inside was a Darkness Christmas card and a CD single. The swine - how did they know I used to be, okay I AM, a geeky, record-collecting junkie who likes a good bit of "packaging"?

So, I can't slag this off even if I wanted to. Thing is the song's not half-bad too. The twin guitar lead is fully ripped off from Thin Lizzy, Justin's vocals are even gonad-tighteningly higher than normal and the school choir is naff in a brilliant kind of way, as befits such Christmas novelty singles. So do yourself and the country a favour: buy this and stop those Crap Idols and their inestimably pointless remake of Happy Christmas (War Is Over) from being Christmas Number One. I'm off to stroke my picture discs...