Oh dear God. The parallel musical universe that is the Eurovision Song Contest will soon be upon us again, and now that Britain inhabits the nul points hinterland once occupied by Norway and the various breakaway bits of the former Yugoslavia, someone has clearly decided that it's time to bring out the big guns.
Actually, Teenage Life, this year's UK entrant, is kind of inspired in its strangeness. The sort of thing Graham Linehan and Charlie Brooker might conceivably come up with after repeat viewings of the Brass Eye paedophile special. Really. What this entails is a barrage of the kind of flat white-boy rapping not heard since 1989 over the wails of helium-voiced females squeaking about teachers and homework. With an undercurrent of police sirens thrown in to keep things 'real'. Beyond parody.
Furthermore, on hearing Sampson hold forth about "sixth form chicks", it's hard not to get an immediate mental picture of blouson-style leather jackets, greasy receding hairlines and those men in their late 20s you see traipsing about with scrawny 17-year-old girlfriends. Ick. Ick Ick. This song goes that far beyond wrong that it's almost right. It'll probably sweep the boards on the night. After all, this is Eurovision.
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