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Ah, Eurovision. Don't we just love the throwaway plastic pop of it all? The 'Congratulations-Love-Shine-A-Boom-Bang-A-Making-Your-Waterloo-Up-On-A-Diva-String' of Eurovision is something I have enjoyed many a year. Here is my thesis on Eurovision: it is meant to be disposable, campy, silly and fun. It is, I guess, meant to be bad. Because that's what makes it good, right? Clearly nobody told British soul four-piece Four Story, who are bidding to represent the UK in the competition. Instead of the transsexual Israeli fun, Cliff Richard in a ruffled shirt or charming Swedish couples in quasi-Gary Glitter get-up, Four Story have this earnest, schmaltzy ballad about "Been hiding my feelings for ever so long/Hurting inside, I gotta be strong".
Hand On My Heart is extremely reminiscent of the kind of C-grade boyband shtick peddled by the likes of Another Level (they were the band that professional eater and occasional singer Dane Bowers used to be in). You may recognise lead vocalist Ben Ofoedu from his collaboration with Phats & Small in the 1990's (they had that song, Turn Around, that was simply inescapable at one point). Clearly, he must need the money. Hand On My Heart is mushy nonsense of the worst kind, soul music without a soul and I doubt that even the ever-unreliable British public will permit such dross into the charts.
Even worse is Four Story's mauling of Smokey Robinson's classic Tracks Of My Tears. If Smokey were dead, he would surely be turning in his grave. You can catch Four Story on tour with Tony Christie. Please, kill me now.
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