Stand Tall is a charity anti-bullying ‘anthem' that sounds like it was written by adults pretending to be kids but has in fact been written by kids, presumably pretending to be adults. And it drips with a level of bitter irony unseen this side of a Shakespearian tragedy: an anti-bullying record that would cause the participants to get the shite kicked out of them on any playground across the country? Et toi, Brute?

"But it's for a good cause!". Undeniably. Childline are an incredibly deserving organisation who do great work. Doesn't change the fact it's a terrible record. And one that is rendered impotent in its two presumed goals: if the song is supposed to be a defiant chorus for those suffering in the face of adversity it isn't, it's wet, insipid and unlikely to be enjoyed by anyone under the age of 65, and any fundraising aspirations are harpooned by the fact that only 10% of the profits go to the beneficiary.

10%! That'll work out at about 20p per single. Bet they're rejoicing down at Charity HQ at those figures. It's becoming a clichéd response to singles such as these, but for anyone thinking of buying Stand Tall out of some misguided altruistic impulse, just give the money directly to Childline.