Let's just admit it - child pop stars are creepy, it's as simple as that. There is something inherently disturbing about a 16-year-old professing his falsetto love to a captive primary school audience... and I'm pretty sure I would have been kicked out of school if I had spelt my name 'Dav1d'.

But that's enough from me, the world's oldest twenty-something. This is happy-go-lucky N1kki, our very own version of Nick Carter, and he's kindly decided to save pop music by pressing the 'demo' button on his keyboard and warbling some rhyme-by-numbers over the top. Jeans On, thankfully, seems to be about the joys of getting dressed in the morning rather than the finer points of dry-humping. Parents of the nation exhale.

But wait, what's that, N1kki? You need to feel her close to you? You have money in your pocket? A motorbike? You're the "King of the Road"?... Again? What the hell? Are you an English teenager or Dog The Bounty Hunter in disguise? My word. Perhaps there is a reason for parents to be worried, after all.

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