Are you stuck in a dead end job? No prospects or future? Do you long for change? Do you have no musical ability at all? Do you have a goatee? If you've answered "Yes!" to all of these you may be interested in the Nickelback plan. The Nickelback plan is open to all, offering an escape route out of the doldrums of your life.

An escape into the world of godawful post-grunge. Here on the Nickelback plan we'll teach you everything you need to know: all three of the chords you'll use, the complex rhyming schemes needed to write those heartfelt lyrics - 'pho-to-graph - laugh', 'then - when' plus at least two more, we'll explain them all! We'll also let you in on that most secret of all secrets, how to sing just like Chad!

That's right, by the end of the Nickelback plan you too can sound like you're trying to pass a cactus shaped kidney stone. But don't take my word for it. Listen to Photograph. It's the latest example of a song produced on the Nickelback plan. You could write that. Millions will wish you hadn't, but you could. So don't delay, call today on 0800-I-WANNA-WRITE-SHIT-TUNES-TOO with your credit card details to hand.