The copy protection and traceable nature of this promo CD were
printed in large red letters on the back of the CD. I was afraid that
if I loaded it onto my iPod via my PC, Louis Walsh would send round
G4 to bore me to death with semi-operatic takes on camp rock 'n'
roll classics. From the over the top warning you'd have thought the CD
held the access codes to Simon Cowell's online bank account. No such
luck: listening to this is like drowning in toffee.
By default I seem to have become musicOMH.com's reality TV reviewer, and
reviewing X-Factor or Pop Idol contestants is like King Canute trying
to hold back the tide. These acts prosper regardless of any sort of
critical assessment: Journey South's working men's club act shot
to mother's day heaven via the shelves of Tesco; Andy the singing
dustman and X-Factor runner up arrived on Top Of The Pops but not in
the musicOMH.com post bag; No Promises is going to top the charts
regardless of what anyone says about it.
You want to know what this sounds like. Really? You can't guess?
It's the work of middle-aged men who seem to think they know what
teenage girls want. It glides on air but is so thin you wonder if it's
been eating properly. It's a glitter pen from Claire's Accessories, all
sparkle and the allusion of glamour. Poor young Shayne, he looks the
real deal and can sing like a hummingbird, but has been given another
Westlife cast off to record, his charisma shoehorned into a
trite and bland attempt at a ballad. I am sure the masterminds behind
this and the likes of Westlife and Boyzone somehow
believe that Cliff Richard and not Elvis is the blueprint
for rock 'n' roll. You can only hope that Shayne sticks around long
enough to be able to get some artistic control in style of Will Young; I am sure the boy can do better than this.
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