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I know this song's doing a lot of work for charity and I'm sure that Tony Christie doesn't want to talk about it, but hell's bells... this is bad. Luckily, it's a World Cup single so it'll probably end up falling down the chart at a speed that most other bands would consider unsafe.
So, the bright spots first. The tune has been left completely intact, which is fine by me. I would describe it, but I think half the country already owns it from last year. Another bright spot is Tony Christie himself. He must be all too aware that this is no classic, but he's singing this as if it's one of the greatest things he's ever done. Now there's professionalism for you.
And now, the bit where it all falls down, namely the lyrics. There's some truly painful stuff here, folks. How about "The last 16 is easy - we got Wayne Rooney"? Anyone? No? Okay then, perhaps not. In the hands of anyone else, this would be sung in a jokey manner, as if the singer's saying "Yeah, I know, but at least I didn't write this", but because Tony gives it everything he just about salvages something from the wreckage.
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