Album Reviews

Goldie Lookin’ Chain – Greatest Hits

(Atlantic) UK release date: 13 September 2004

Goldie Lookin' Chain - Greatest Hits You know a band is destined for success when their debut album is titled ‘Greatest Hits’. With an upcoming tour, An Ounce Don’t Come For Free (wonder where they got that from?!) and a top three single under their belt; Goldie Lookin’ Chain are bound to be able to market anything, whether it be a single concerning violent rappers or used underwear, merely because they are incredibly funny.

After being born in 1983 in Newport, Wales, Goldie Lookin’ Chain have gone on to warp the minds of the sane and their debut album is just the beginning. Opener The Manifesto is a quick explanation of this – “a design for a way of living so revolutionary, so groundbreaking that its very concept posed a threat to the fabric of society”. This Star Wars like introduction is quashed by comparisons to a stiffy, but this, like the rest of the album, highlights Goldie Lookin’ Chain’s three interests – sex, drugs and the ’80s.

Every ’80s rapper from Cypress Hill to MC Hammer is namedropped throughout the album, with even miming pop flops Milli Vanilli baring a mention in the most romantic song on the album, You Knows I Love You. When I say romantic, I’m referring to “I wanna make you sweat like a pig on a hot day” because that’s as sensual as it gets, especially compared to gems like Your Mother’s Got A Penis where GLC claim that your mum got them really drunk and consequently made them kiss her elephant trunk.

The great thing about GLC is that they have no limits. Only they could include Jesus in their track Self Suicide by stating, “Jesus was nailed to a piece of wood, 2,000 years later and book sales are still good” without caring about a potential hunting down from the entire church. Self Suicide puts the deaths of Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison and Michael Hutchence down to money grabbing schemes rapped over a Coronation Street like tune.

Previous single Half Man Half Machine begins with a robot-like voice: “Adam! Do you read me, over! I am going down the shop to buy 10 fags! Do you need a drink or some crisps?”, and is a definite highlight of the album. Other songs worthy of a mention include Rollerdisco – a Commodores record gone awry – and 21 Ounces To Blow which parodies the So Solid Crew and along with the majority of the album, references their love of illegal substances. There’s also the hit single Guns Don’t Kill People Rappers Do, which from the start had hit written all over it.

Is it revolutionary? Not quite. Is it groundbreaking? Maybe. Does it pose a threat to the fabric of society? Not exactly, unless they attempt to take over the world, which if this is anything to go by, could just happen. So is it worth buying? If humour’s your thing and you knows it, then you’ll definitely love it.

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Goldie Lookin’ Chain – Greatest Hits