Metro Station – Metro Station

If you can’t get enough of the Cyrus family (Billy Ray, Miley…), don’t fret. Metro Station have Trace Cyrus, elder brother of Miley, she of Hannah Montana fame, in their übercool pop band. Not only that, they also sport Mason Musso, elder brother of Mitchel Musso. He was also in Hannah Montana. Their saccharine-sweet output has been made to get tweens near you grooving.

But groove, as Deeelite so rightly once said, is in the heart. Well, the Cyrus family don’t make our achy brakey hearts feel at all groovy. This eponymous album’s opening track Seventeen Forever is the song that got Metro Station noticed on Myspace and, for about 10 seconds, it sounds quite promising in the groove stakes. But then a truth dawns; it is just a poor pastiche of electropop. So poor it makes you want to hit your head against the nearest wall.

Soon it’s clear that Metro Station can’t decide if they’re a rock boyband or all about cheesy electro fabulousness. The clash of ideas, laudable in ambitious scope, makes for a confusing and rather jarring listen. The next track Control is little better; mediocre songwriting-by-numbers with little individual flair.

It’s unsurprising that their singles Kelsey and Shake It, both featured here, failed to make much impact on this side of the pond when they were first released in 2007; both are massively dull. The repetitive chorus “Shake Shake Shake Shake Shake It” may well make you want to shake their necks. Cyrus’ and Musso’s vocals sound like they’re inspired by Blink 182; trying to copy a successful template. They even brought in Blake Healy from Synthetic Joy. It’s a shame he put his name to this dross.

As the album progresses the songs get only marginally better, leaving the impression of an album so dull it doesn’t even have the decency to be awful. If you like the idea of an outwardly edgier Busted then you may enjoy these tunes. Otherwise, flee screaming to the hills before Hannah Montana-loving tweens give you lectures on how old you are. Metro Station didn’t have much success when they first released their album in 2007, and there’s no good musical reason why they should be big now.