London – Music died 12th of March 2007 of cod-reggae induced vomiting, after a long and protracted struggle against the forces of darkness.
Born 4,000 years ago in ancient Mesopotamia, Music lived a long and fruitful life bringing delight and pleasure to many. From an early age playing with friends Interpretive Dance and Conceptual Art on the banks of the Tigris, Music had designs way above those of its compatriots. Whilst they wanted to be loved by some, but only if they read the Independent, Music had a desire to find a place in everyone’s heart.
It was at the age of 2,800 years young that Music truly started to make waves. For about 600 years after, Music was strongly involved with its local church and is now widely credited with teaching the Gregorians how to chant. After this dalliance with religion, and as was the style of the time, Music decided to get in touch with its romantic, feminine side.
A stay in Europe followed. It was during this period that Music began to join forces with others in order to leave an indelible mark on the world. A brief tryst with Monteverdi led to Orfeo, and the birth of Opera; a guilty burden which Music carried until its dying day.
After the European adventure, and with restless feet, Music just kept on wandering. After a couple of centuries spent traveling around the wilderness of America looking for Jazz, one of several illegitimate sons the estate of Music wishes to keep swept under the carpet (see also: Prog, nu-Metal and Steps), Music met what were to be his final, and some say greatest, partners, Rhythm and Blues, the love(s) of Music’s life. After a whirlwind romance, all three were wed in a bizarre Pagan ceremony at Altamont, CA.
From this bigamistic relationship a son was borne, and although the relationship went through rough parts, Rock’N’Roll was always the most favoured of all of his parents offspring. At least until his untimely demise at a Kooks concert late last year.
Music leaves no survivors. We mourn its passing.
The memorial services will be held at 11:00 am, Friday, 15th of March at Mick Hucknall’s house, with the Reverend Jones officiating, and hopefully overseeing a ritual stoning.
Please send flowers, notes of condolence, and threatening letters written in blood, to the above address, c/o Simply Red.