If There is I Haven’t Found it Yet @ Bush Theatre, London

cast list
Michael Begley, Pandora Colin, Ailish O’Connor, Rafe Spall

directed by
Josie Rourke
Nick Paynes promising play journeys into the dark terrain of adolescent pain and desire.

Anna is fifteen, overweight for her age, and has the added handicap of having a teacher for a mother.

This makes her a target for bullies and, at the start of the play, she is about to be suspended for retaliating against her tormentors (with a head butt).

Her parents know theres something wrong; they sense shes unhappy, but neither really sees, neither really understands.

Her father is an academic and environmental campaigner consumed by research for his current project, a polemical book on climate change.
He grasps the bigger global picture and despairs over the damage being done to planet but is blind to the growing divide between him and his wife and to Annas increasing unhappiness and confusion. Her mother, though kind and concerned, is equally unable to get through to Anna.

The head butt results in Anna being suspended from school just at the same time as her fathers younger brother, her uncle Terry, rolls up to their door with a rucksack on his back and a vague, poorly thought through plan of getting things together with his ex-girlfriend. Hes good hearted geezer type, the antithesis of Annas father, with a runaway mouth thats not overly well-connected with his brain. As played by Rafe Spall with sublime comic timing, a string of endearingly inappropriate comments come clumsily tumbling from Terrys mouth (his drunken monologue on the joys of taking a fat bird to bed is a stand out example).

Terry suggests that he could help out the family by spending time with Anna during her suspension and through this simple act her life is lifted, bit by bit. Immature and inept as he is, he listens to her, he pays attention to her, and he talks relatively openly about sex. He even throws her a condom when she confesses to him that shes been asked out on a date. He treats her like a whole, grown person, in a way her parents dont and cant.

Ailish OConnor is astonishingly good as Anna; she captures the confusion of adolescence, the sense of being tugged in every direction, ricocheting between longing, embarrassment, anger and acute desperation. Shes alternately sullen and gleeful, occasionally hiding her face like a shy a child. Spall fills the small space of the Bush Theatre as Terry its a big but balanced performance; while Pandora Colin and Michael Begley provide solid support as Annas parents, though the latters performance initially feels too mannered, like a caricature in comparison to the rest.

Lucy Osbornes glorious set has the whole interior of the Bush’s auditorium painted sky blue and streaked with cloud, signifying both the sky Annas father will no longer fly in as frets over his carbon footprint and the blue of the future, the things waiting in the distance for Anna once school and all its attendant horrors have faded and fallen away.

Paynes play is funny and touching and quite brutal in places. Hes good at writing scenes of awkwardness and at conveying unsaid things as well as said things – the words held back, trapped on the tongue – and while he doesnt quite succeed in fusing the environmental thread (which provides a kind of framing device) to the main body of the play, hes spot on in his writing of the complex knot of gulfs and bonds that develop between parents and children.

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